Taking trips with the family post-divorce should continue to be a fun, memorable experience regardless if it’s a day trip or longer. Moving forward, most families benefit when the parents work out a concrete plan for how vacation time will be spent with the children. This helps to create stability and certainty in making vacation and travel plans and in the children’s lives. Continue Reading
The divorce process is an emotional time. Tensions surrounding a parenting plan may mount even when both parents prioritize the needs of the children. Responsiveness, stability, and practicality are significant factors in developing a parenting plan. As parents begin to develop a parenting plan, the need for flexibility is also very important in creating options that consider the child first. Continue Reading
I recently posted a blog focusing on the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie divorce, specifically that the collaborative law process may be beneficial for the couple. In addition to the general benefits of the collaborative process and how they may be applied to the Pitt/Jolie divorce (the previous blog can be viewed here), the Brangelina case is also an excellent candidate for collaborative law because of the children. Continue Reading
When constructing a parenting plan, the goal is that both parents maintain a meaningful relationship with the children. When parents live in separate homes, a special challenge is presented in preserving the relationship between children and both parents after divorce or separation. When parents put aside their conflict and work together to find a parenting schedule that works for the whole family, whether it is a 50/50, 60/40 or some other type of plan, everyone usually benefits from the sharing of care. Continue Reading
Just a few days ago, social media was trending with its usual celebrity gossip and sports news, but an interesting family law case in Michigan snuck into the mix. A judge in Michigan sent three children to juvenile detention for refusing to have lunch with their father (if you haven’t had a chance to read the story, click here). As a collaborative lawyer who tries to help clients avoid hostile court battles, this story especially peaked my interest. After seeing much commentary and debate on the situation, I gave some thought to my own take on the story.
I have written in the past about co-parenting and why it is important to have a unified front when raising children. While there are many different ways that parents can develop a united front, there are certain things that can be helpful to everyone. Parenting plans are ways for parents to actually put into writing how they will go about handling different types of decisions when it comes to the children. It is possible to provide children with continuity and security when the children reside in both Mom’s house and in Dad’s house.
The term ‘co-parenting’ has almost become a buzzword that appears in different magazines and in segments by celebrity doctors and specialists on television. Co-parenting is essentially what it sounds like – parents sharing the responsibilities and duties of raising their child. Co-parenting comes into play when the parents are not in a relationship with one another – whether separated, divorced, or never having formalized the relationship.
Using a carefully thought out co-parenting plan helps parents create a unified front in terms of taking care of and relating to the children. Many parents are able to set aside their own conflict and act as a team for the sake of the children. This seems incredibly reasonable and understandable, but the question remains: How can parents actually form this united and unified front?
A simple Internet search of “National Divorce Month” will result in a stack of articles discussing how lawyers encounter a heavy volume of calls right after the holidays, giving January the unfortunate moniker of ‘National Divorce Month.’ 2014 has been no different. Last month we once again saw divorce attorneys writing about how the phones began to ring off the hook once the holiday season officially ended. On the surface, it makes sense. Many couples choose to prolong beginning the divorce or separation process until after the already busy and stressful holidays are over. It can be especially difficult for couples with children, because parents are hesitant to interrupt the child’s holiday with news of a divorce. Many people tend to look at the New Year as a “fresh start” and a chance to begin again, so choosing to begin the divorce process in the New Year seems like the best alternative.
Is there ever really a “right” time to initiate a divorce or separation? Many articles written about January divorces point to the many reasons why people choose to begin the process at that time, and why it makes sense to wait until after the holidays. The most important thing, though, is for the spouses to evaluate their own marital life and family. Several of my blogs have made mention of the fact that every family is different and thus, every divorce is also different. This rings true no matter what the highest divorce month may be.
The decision to divorce or separate is an important one, to say the least. Every couple has considerations to keep in mind before deciding if divorce is the right path to take. In making an assessment of the marital life as well as family life, couples should make sure to have open and honest communication, and not rush the process. Some couples find it helpful to sit down with a couples’ counselor or mediator in order to really get everything on the table. A very important aspect of assessing the situation is to become educated on all of the options available. Taking an active role in decision-making is helpful in reaching decisions about what to do.
There are many different opinions on divorce and its prevalence in our modern society. However, when looking through history or even talking with people of different generations, it is clear that divorce has evolved over the years. It got me to thinking – what are the real roots of divorce in America?
Researching the history of divorce sounds like a quite bland task, but through the course of my reading, I discovered that it was anything but tedious. A woman named Caroline Norton is an important figure, especially in Europe, for being instrumental in divorce legislation in the 1800’s in England. Europe views Norton as being important in Europe, but for history in general.
The grounds for divorce in the 1800’s in England were few and carried extreme penalties. A couple could be granted a separation through nullity, impotence, insanity, or [potential] incest. If one of these grounds was used, any children born to the couple were rendered illegitimate as a penalty, but the parties were permitted to remarry. Additionally, a couple could be granted a separation because of adultery, sodomy, or physical violence. However, in this case the couple would not be permitted to remarry. The final option for a couple in 1800’s England was to obtain a separation and then sue the other spouse for adultery. In this option, a spouse successful in the adultery lawsuit would eventually be granted a divorce by Parliament and the couple’s children would not be considered illegitimate. While this final option afforded the best result, it was nearly impossible for anyone to achieve; lawsuits were extremely expensive so it eliminated the option for most people.
Caroline Norton’s crusade for divorce rights could be the subject of its own lengthy essay, however the main point is that she singlehandedly changed the landscape of separation and divorce. In a time where married women were low on the totem pole, children were the property of their father, and the Church controlled marriage and divorce, Norton’s peaceful crusade resulted in legislation which allowed for women’s property rights, custodial rights over children, and most of all, divorce.
Reading through details of the evolution of divorce legislation in England is extremely intricate and detailed, but then I dug a little deeper for some American history on divorce. Interestingly enough, America has its first recorded divorce in 1643 – about 200 years before Caroline Norton’s crusade! Anne Clarke, who lived in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, was granted a divorce by the Quarter Court in Boston after her husband abandoned her for another woman and refused to return home. Denis Clarke admitted in a signed affidavit that he had left his wife for another woman with whom he also had children. Denis also stated his refusal to return to his wife. With this, the Court essentially had no choice but to grant a divorce to Anne Clark and stated in the final order that it was due to the abandonment by her husband and his refusal to be with her.
The holiday season is usually filled with joy as well as lots of stressful activity planning all the festivities. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have some helpful reminders (“Tips”) to aid families dealing with a divorce or separation process to manage the additional emotional stress? Having a plan in place incorporating the following three tips would help make the holiday season enjoyable for everyone, children and adults, alike.
Number One Tip is to focus on the children. They need to be reassured that they are special and that this is a season for celebration. Children will want to be with both their parents and family members. So planning time together with children may be tricky. It is integral to make sure that the schedule is concrete and set ahead of time. If a parenting schedule has not yet been created, parents should sit down and work to make something that works for both parties and, most of all, for the children. If tensions tend to run high, parents can work with a collaborative attorney or mediator or parenting coordinator to set a schedule. When everyone has set expectations of where they are to be and when, everyone can then have the time to enjoy the time with their loved ones.
Something else to keep in mind is whether or not this is the children’s first holiday season with two households. The transition into a two-family household can be easier if a parenting schedule has been made. Children will most likely find the transition easier if they not only know when and where they will be spending holidays, but also have time to understand and to spend other holiday time with the other parent. The transition from one household for specified events to another household becomes less emotional and confusing when a plan is followed.