Articles Tagged with negotiation

couple-for-map-1-294x300The effects of the COVID pandemic are being felt throughout the world in big and small ways.  The impact is seeping into the many aspects of daily life.  As we all adjust to remote attendance at work, school and other activities, the COVID pandemic has brought home the importance of family relationships.  Couples planning their wedding (or expecting to be married soon) have had to rethink the timing and nature of the event.  Romantic partnerships have been tested and priorities reassessed.

While some couples have chosen to adjust their wedding plans and are having virtual ceremonies for family and friends to attend via live stream or Zoom, others have opted to trim down the guest list and attempt to celebrate safely and socially distanced. For many couples, the best plan has been to postpone the wedding until a return to “normalcy.” For these couples, there may be a silver lining. Continue Reading

There is a distinction between irreconcilable and reconcilable differences when it comes to separation and divorce.  The focus of this article is on the reconcilable ones.  When the relationship changes to a point where there will be a separation and divorce, there are certain issues that need to be addressed so that both parties can financially disentangle and move on with their lives.  Emotional disentanglement takes time.  When there are children, emotions can be purposefully directed to a cooperative parenting plan so that the children can benefit from the qualities that each parent brings to the family.  For more on co-parenting agreements, please see my article entitled: Co-parenting, Where do I start?   Continue Reading

The collaborative process offers many benefits to parties that are willing to work together to reach a solution in a non-confrontational environment. When parties put in a good-faith effort to communicate respectfully, a mutually beneficial solution can be reached. Part of respectful communication includes not only speaking in a respectful way; it also means actively listening with that same respect. During the divorce process, parties are understandably stressed and/or anxious, and this may affect how discussions progress. When both parties come to the table eager to have their points heard, the equally important aspect of listening may sometimes be overlooked. With this in mind, I have compiled some considerations to aid in the active listening process during a collaborative discussion: Continue Reading

Is civility in our society spiraling downward? It often feels like that nowadays.  This does not have to be the case in our families and in our own circles of colleagues and friends if we pay attention to how we are engaging in the resolution of different points of view.   Civility is more than just politeness.  It is possible to disagree with dignity and respect.  Yes, it is possible to go high rather than low when a challenge presents itself. Continue Reading

How can words or minor interpersonal tensions lead to major trauma and in some cases national trauma?  As a conflict professional, I am constantly intrigued by the power of words, actions and inaction. An act or expression may or may not be intended to cause harm.  Even in a close-knit family, we sometimes do not realize the harm.  Once an initial event happens, how do we avoid escalating the harm?  Continue Reading

Does Blame help reach a result in the negotiation process?  In my opinion, it is counter-productive.  This week we saw a lot of blame coming out of Washington D.C., in a negotiation without resolution and an eventual shut down.  This led me to think about my own work and what happens when blame is assigned and then continues as the focus.  During a negotiation, the parties do need to take responsibility for their own actions.  This can be done in a productive way without shaming or humiliating the other party. There is a distinction between assigning and taking responsibility and what happens when the parties stay at the level of blame.  Continue Reading

Entering into a negotiation with uncertainty is not necessarily a bad thing.  Thinking that we know all of the answers before a negotiation starts can lead to less flexible, positional thinking.  A reasonable agreement in divorce is different for each family.  For that reason, we can enter into the negotiation with uncertainty about what is best for one particular family so long as we are flexible in considering available options and work in good faith to find the most reasonable solution.   Some individuals chose to stay in limbo due to uncertainty about outcome.  The uncertainty can lead to fear – that may prohibit productive thinking. Continue Reading

meeting-room-3-1239345-300x221High-stakes negotiations are often characterized as intense back-and-forth battles where only one party wins. The winner takes all while the other party may suffer a loss of both objectives and dignity. A loss of dignity in negotiations for a prenup can have a long-lasting effect on the relationship.   Negotiating a prenup can (and should) be about coming to a mutually beneficial agreement for both parties. While the marital relationship is considered an economic as well as social partnership, establishing a foundation for the economics of the relationship can be challenging.  The goal of the negotiation should be conducive to creating a durable, family-oriented agreement. Below are five reasons the “art of the deal” is not a zero sum game when it comes to family: Continue Reading

One of the most common questions I receive from clients is how to bring up a prenuptial agreement with a future spouse. There is no uniform answer to this because every couple has its own dynamics, and a prenup conversation should reflect this. With that being said, there are some basic ideas to help your path to a prenup go more smoothly.  Continue Reading

With so much end of year busyness, it sometimes takes effort to stop for a moment to remember what is important.  I was in the post office last week to send out some holiday presents when one of those moments occurred.[1]  An elderly man slowly walked up to the counter and placed a dime on the counter and stated [to the postal clerk]: “That’s what I owe you.”  The clerk replied: “That wasn’t necessary. You didn’t have to come all the way back.” The man said, “I owed it and I found it in my pocket after I left”.  Continue Reading

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